Flash Limericks by Max
First published in the Flashman Society Journal. To recive the jounral 'Dawns and Departures of a soldiers Life Vol IIII' Join the Flashman Society. Contact details
Handsome Harry Flashman was a lad,
A drinker of brandy, a cad.
One a hot summer's day
He put too much away,
Was expelled for making the Doctor quite mad!
Thou' Harry was feeling quite sick
Of Tom Brown the rotten little tick!
Those gin punches an' beer
May have made him feel queer.
But they got him out of Rugby real Quick!
Home to his father he was sent,
In shame and disgrace off he went.
While his father was damning and stern
Judy did a quick turn
So Harry couldn't stop to repent!
He met Lord Cardigan in Cherry Red,
Later a French Tart he rogered in bed!
He found the conclusion
A duel, no pyrotechnic illusion!
A real invitation to be shot in the head!
Now the assassin, with pistols was damn handy
Cried Flashman "Please a double shot of the brandy!"
Then with a widening grin,
He said "let's do this guy in!"
"I hear at the slight hand you're quite handy."
On ground in the morning they gathered-
Flashman full of nerves how he lathered,
But with bullet removed
He could not be moved
So the Crackshot - shot, he missed that's absurd!
Harry Flashman raised his pistol for measure,
And idly shot a decanter of Brandy for pleasure
All was affray
How he deferred on the day
So remember it this way:
a shot of Brandy in morning's a treasure!
Now the trouble he caused filled up the papers
And Lord Cardigan was not keen on his capers!
So Flashman was sacked,
To Glasgow he was packed
And Lord Cardigan fainted away with vapours.
Flashman was full woe and of ill,
For there was trouble about at the mill.
Morrison shouted riot!
Harry said "No 'tis all quiet!"
But Morrison spake to rake
"tis not safe take my daughter away to hill!"
The mill owner's daughter was blonde,
Of flowers and of kittens she was fond
Flashman was quick
He was in for a trick
Here's a rose, how's your pussy, let's bond!
The mill owner's daughter was buxom
Birds and butterflies she looks for 'em
While lying in field
To Harry she'd yield
Cos' with her legs in the air she could fuck some!
The mill owner's daughter was busty
And we all know how Harry is lusty
Elbseth's wobbling tit's
Always got him fits
So not waiting a jot into her softness he thrust he!
The mill owner's daughter was fond of a prank
So to her sister and mother she was frank
Told a sad story
Of heaven and glory
And of Harry had taught her wank.
Harry Flashman knew he was in trouble
He thanked god 'twas only one daughter not double!
With no conviction he'd laid
Elspeth Morrison- a maid,
He should have made do with the mother,
her wart an' her stumble!
Father Morrison of the mill
Sent round the boys with a bill
For fornicating and raking
For Loving' and forsaking
You'll marry her or your guts we will spill!
With a Glasgow trull I'll not tarry
But for a gun in the back I might marry
I'll make her a bride,
Have a quick ride
Then off to London Elspeth I'll carry
Lord Cardigan was in a frightful mood,
For you see to marry mill owner's daughter 'tis rude,
For he told Harry
In this regiment don't tarry
And he was sent to where have curry for food!
Fatnab taught Flashman the 97 ways of love making
Though Harry was no stranger to raking...
Fatnab showed off her Charms -
Folded her arms arms
And then with knee's air said - Harry! I'm your's for taking!
Fatnab taught Harry the 97 ways of Hindu love,
Fatnab said this one is called the gull and the dove,
With her arms stretched wide,
And her legs were a guide
So just Harry just fell in from above!
Fatnab taught Harry the 97 way of Hindu sex
How to do it concave and convex
With toe in each ear,
And thumb in his rear
Flashy said can't we just do it doggie style next.
Fatnab taught Harry the 97 ways of Hindu Copulation
How to satisfy a girl of any frustration
Harry said I know it's a bore
But my bits are rubbed raw
Any more friction could cause a conflagration!
Fatnab taught Harry the 97 Hindu positions
So many names in a book of Indian traditions
Flashy was gagging
From all of the shagging
Said Fatnab disgusted "so much for pocket editions."
Fatnab taught Harry the 97 ways in a day
Flashy was well up the Asian display
He whipped his cock out
Waved it about
Cried "here's to roast beef and a roll the hay!"
The Humor of the Flashman Papers and other tastless Jokes.....
Humor in the Flashman papers generally runs to
'Drinking Gambling and Whoring'
with a healthy mix of derogatory and disparaging remarks
aimed at betters and those in authority!"
Please note jokes are for open minded adults only!
Email Flashman jokes, Limericks, quotes etc to me.